Spanglish

I don't speak Spanish. In addition, I don't speak broken English with a Spanish accent. This can cause problems. For example, on my recent trip to Miami, when we asked housekeeping for a rollaway "sleeper", we got an extra pair of slippers.

Earlier this week, I had to bring my car in for some routine maintenance. I live on a Metro station, so I just dropped off my car and took advantage of the dealership's shuttle service. My driver must not have had a valid license because he seemed to take every out-of-the-way, back road to get me to the station. The trip home took three times as long as it should have. To pass the time, the driver engaged me in conversation...

Driver: You have keys?
Mel: Yes. I grabbed the keys I need.
Driver: How many keys you have?
Mel: Uhhhhhhh. I dunno. Four?
Driver: Four keys? Wow. In school?
Mel: No. I graduated a while ago.
Driver: No. Not you. Your keys.
Mel: What?
Driver: Your keys in school?
Mel: Oh, KIDS! I don't have any kids.
Driver: What?
Mel: No keys.
Driver: Oh.

Do they make Rosetta Stone Software for this?