"Trixie" and Treats

On the Saturday before Halloween, a few of us went out to celebrate my friend Gab’s birthday. We passed on playing dress up and instead went to some trendy restaurants and clubs in Penn Quarter. While sipping down specialty drinks at Zengo, Gab has a bright idea. “Let’s go to Archibald’s!” (For those of you not from around here, Archibald’s is a hole-in-the-wall STRIP CLUB.) Hey, it was her birthday, so we packed up and left this swank lounge to go to what is probably the biggest DIVE bar in this city. Talk about going from one extreme to another!

I had never been to a “gentleman’s club” before. Knowing this, Gab insisted I go tip the dancer. She grabbed me by the arm, stuffed a dollar bill in my hand, and led me to the stage. We were standing a foot away from a wiggling girl wearing NOTHING but a garter belt when the following conversation broke out.

Gab: Go ahead. Give her the money. Just stick it in her garter.
Mel: She won’t stay still. I’d have to touch her.
Gab: It’s okay. You can touch her.
Mel: Can’t I just hand her the dollar?
Dancer: It’s okay. You can touch me.
Mel: No offense, but I’d prefer not to.
::: Dancer rolls her eyes and pulls open her garter belt :::
Gab: Sorry. This is her first time. She’s a bit uncomfortable.
Dancer: What??? Oh sweetie, don't be nervous! Poor thing. Well, I am going to give you a hug whether you like it or not!
::: Dancer scoops me up into a big bear hug :::
Mel: Ummmm. Thanks?

I had a blast with my friends, but it was without question my weirdest Halloween ever. I started out having an elegant dinner with friends and ended up getting felt up by a stripper. The jury is still out as to whether that was a trick or treat…