He Better Grow Up to Love Whiskey

While watching the LSU-Tulane game Saturday, I met an Alum expecting a baby boy. I asked her if they had a name picked out. "John Daniel, after each of our fathers, but he'd go by Jack." Before I could stop myself, I blurted "Ohmygosh! You are SERIOUSLY naming your baby JACK DANIEL?!?!"

Maybe one day modern medicine will develop a cure for my foot-in-mouth disease. Until then, I can't help but wonder if this couple ever has another boy, will they name him James Beam? ...Of course, he'd go by Jim.

Double the Fun

I met Claudine and Amanda last Saturday to watch the LSU-Auburn game. Although my Tigers suffered a loss, Claudine and I managed to win two guys' affection.

When we first arrived, a University of Miami fan grabbed me to chat about the upcoming game and my team. Since Claudine and I had just been to Miami, we had plenty fodder for conversation with he and his friend. After the game, the fellahs caught up with us and asked us to join them for drinks. Since we had a girls night planned, we declined, but instead agreed to meet them on Tuesday for happy hour.

As I exited the metro Tuesday after work, I get a panicked call from Claudine saying she was at the bar, but couldn’t remember exactly what the guys looked like. “They were wearing ball caps and sports gear. All these guys are clean shaven and in suits!” I was able to come to her rescue, spotting our men almost as soon as I hit the door. We had been chatting with them for a good 15 minutes when I asked the Hurricane who Miami was playing this weekend. He gave me this quizzical look and shrugged. “I dunno, I really don’t follow football. Why?”

YEAH! Real smooth. I picked out the WRONG MEN!!! We excused ourselves and, thankfully, the right guys were able to track US down. Well, if things don’t work out with the Hurricane and his friend, Claudine and I can always call in the second string.

Miami Misadventures: Part III - I'll Tumble 4 Ya

This weekend, I FINALLY got around to doing all my laundry that had been accumulating since before my trip. While spot-treating stains on some of the outfits I wore in Miami, I started to think about all the "spills" the three of us took while on vacation. Just for fun, I compiled a list...

• Glass of Bacon (Prime 112)
• Carafe of Orange Juice (Mansion)
• Blue Cheese Dressing (Ritz Pool)
• Strawberry Pina Colada (Ritz Pool)
• Banana Dream (Barton G)
• x2 - Specialty Martini (Barton G)
• Water (Barton G)

• x2 - Pearl Vodka (Pearl)
• Melanie (Off the Stage - Pearl)
• Claudine (Off the Stage - Pearl)
• Courvoisier (Pearl)
• Salt (News Cafe)
• Gelato (Coco Gelato)
• Kettle One (Tantra)
• Truffled Mac & Cheese (Prime 112)

And to finish the trip off right - Water (Plane ride back to DC)

Miami Misadventures: Part II - Clubbin' with the Colombian Cartel

To pick up from where I left off in the last post, we finally found the Holy Grail of Miami nightclubs. As the concierge had feared, Mansion was not keeping a VIP list due to Labor Day crowds… and there was QUITE a crowd. We debated heading back to the hotel, but instead opted to play the “pick-me, pick-me” velvet rope waiting game for a little while. Thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long. (Sometimes having breasts pays off.) The place was AWESOME and we had an UNBELIEVABLE time.

At one point in the evening, we “snuck” into the upstairs “high-rollers” area and ended up hanging with these guys that had a private table. The one guy, Matt, invited us to party with him and some of his friends the following evening at the ultra-exclusive club, Pearl. He was a really nice guy, so we agreed.

The next night at Pearl, a few red flags were raised:

• Matt is an Italian New York native who recently moved his business to Miami
• Matt’s “business” is International Shipping
• Matt lived in Israel for a few years to run his “shipping business”
• Matt met his friend, Fernando, only two days prior
• Fernando is only in town for a week on “business”
• Fernando lives in a “mountain town” in Colombia
• After exchanging some silent hand signals, Matt and Fernando disappear for over an hour to “go to the bathroom”
• Not long after returning, Fernando borrows Matt’s cell to place a call to Colombia at 4 IN THE MORNING

We had a great time with the fellahs, but something was definitely up. And if there was any remaining doubt, the evening ended with Fernando spending half an hour trying to convince me to go to Cuba. I kept waiting for him to say he knew someone with a really fast boat. I don't know about the boat, but we sure did make a fast getaway!

Miami Misadventures: Part I - "Entertainment"

Last week, I took an extended Labor Day vacation to Miami with 2 of my girls. The trip was AMAZING. We lived like royalty at the Ritz South Beach, ate extravagant meals in Miami’s hottest restaurants, and stayed out dancing at trendy clubs until the wee early hours of the morning. I seriously felt like a movie star. But, this is ME we are talking about, so naturally we were bound to have some “wacky” adventures mixed into our stay.

Our first night in town, we made our way to the wildly popular Mansion nightclub per the suggestion of our cool, 20-something concierge. He told us that he would “try” to get us on the VIP list, but couldn’t make any promises since the clubs are so busy over Labor Day Weekend. The club was HUGE and the line was even bigger. There had to be at least 100 people stretched along the side of the building and around the corner. Of course, we stormed right past the line and up to the bouncer to inform him we were on “the list”.

Upon entering the club, the first thing that caught my attention was a girl in a black unitard with the body of a model and the face of a crack whore dancing on a stripper pole high above the crowd. In case there was any doubt of this girl’s function in the club, emblazoned across her rear in bright yellow letters was the word “entertainment”. The next thing I noticed that the three of us were noticeably out of place. Not only did we not meet the club’s dress code of jeans and air force ones, we were the only white people in the place. Ah well, our concierge said this was the “place to be”, so we hit the dance floor. After an hour of booty shaking, we decided to leave as none of us recognized ANY of the hard-core gangsta’ hip-hop songs being played. It certainly wasn't a classy establishment that one might expect to be steered toward by a Ritz conceirge.

I’m not sure how we missed it on our way in, but the name of the club, SOBE Live, was plastered ALL OVER the building. It was on a banner above the door, on the door itself, and was etched into EVERY window spanning the length of the building. Of course, right next door was an equally large club with a GIGANTIC lit "MANSION" marquee.

I’m not sure which is funnier, the fact that we missed ALL the signs and went into the wrong club or the fact that we breezed into the wrong club past a line of 100+ people by falsely claiming to be on the VIP list. Either way, our mistake proved to be very “entertaining”.

Kitchen Math

In case you were wondering, it takes less than 5 minutes for a BRAND NEW 2.5 gallon Deer Park dispenser with the tap slightly open to empty out of the refrigerator and fill my kitchen 3/4" deep in water. It takes over 45 minutes to clean it up.